hi everyone there is something i want to talk about and its something thats been bothering me for the longest since i've went to high school and other stuff from the past before i went to high school and i've been bottling it up to long for me to go crazy so here we go.
i've been so depress for a long time throughout the years since high school and i just want to vent it all out it all out. it started when i was little and i would go to church and i was raised to believe in Jesus Christ and i didn't know anything about Jesus but my mom did and did i like it well not really cause when i was at church i would get bullied and get beat up for being light skinned and for having autism in me and they looked at me for being a freak and for years its been that way since i started grade school and when that came my mom saw what the church was doing to us. so we left that church and well i guess that made it a little better but school made it hard for me to learn cause the teachers would never help me. they were the type of teachers that would let the students bully me and beat me up and not do anything about it, one time when we were at the school pool some kid grabs my private part and rubs it to make fun of me. at that time i didn't know what to do but i was scared and the pool teacher would bully me as well by yelling at me for everything i did and when i wanted to draw but the students would pick on me for trying to draw saying that i suck at it and i'm a faggot for drawing and i wanted to be a singer but i was also bullied for that to and at the time i was taking voice lesson. but what kept me going was the marching band and i enjoy it very much but then one day my mom got me out of that school cause the school was really not teaching me anything and the teachers and principal would say i would never learn and i would never understand anything so my mom got me out of that school called burlington special services. so i went to this school called high road school and that was the best school of my life and i made a lot of friends and meet a lot of good teachers that cared for me and everyone in the school and that was the time that i was into goth, emo and pop punk. yeah i know i was like that but my friends didn't care about it but they liked me very much and all those 3 years in that school changed my life and i took voice lesson at NJPAC for young artist and at the time i was not focus with everything and the students there were very snobby but whatever but the high road kept me going and i never felt so happy in life but one day i got into a fight with a student there and then he called me an asshole and that really pissed me off and then i threw a chair at him and beat him up and then i got expelled from that school in 2006 on the end of the 9th grade going to high school. so then i had to go to a high school called yale high school and don't let the name fool you cause it not like Yale University its a shitty version of it but before i went there i was at a camp called camp sandy cove and its a Christian camp and god i hate it there. the kids would bully me for being artistic but in 2006 that was the best year i had cause i meet new friends and they loved me for who i am. i meet danny witch i still talk to kenny, amber, Courtney, hannah reca, Kathryn, and dara and oh my god! i had fun with them but i also had a crush on one of them and her name was dara and god i fell in love with her. she was everything that i would want to fall in love with, she was nice, sweet, gentle, kind, and bubbly and happy and i was really in love and she was also a good artist and i saw her work and i asked her if she could teach me and she said yes so she taught me how to draw and then i got a little better at my art skills and then when i had to go home i got all of my friends info but i didn't want to leave them cause i never wanted it to end i wanted to last forever but i had no choice and if it wasn't for dara i would not get better at my art work and no matter what i still thank her for everything that she did for me and i will never forget that. then it was off to high school and thats when i started to hate school even more. the first year was bad cause this girl name Danielle who would always get me in trouble for no reason and god i still want to punch her so bad but i meet some good teachers and then i met Michelle and we became buddies and meet some of her friends and i also meet andrew and we became friends as well and then one day i ended up in a Hospital cause i got in trouble for no reason and i got pissed off and the cops got involved so i was there for a week i think but the good thing about it that i made some friends there and i miss them so much and then i would also contact my camp sondy cove friends but then the second year came and it was bad as well cause my teacher was a cunt but then i ask to put in a new class room which was in 2007 and then i meet a friend name chenzo but he was in a different school but we were buddies and then we would hang out and also hang out with some of his friends and then in school there was cody even and jeff and i forgot the rest but theres this girl name Kaitlyn witch she was a fucking psycho cunt and when i was being nice to her she was mean to me for no reason. there would be time she would be nice but most of the time she was a cunt to everyone as if she was on her period and or on drugs and then one day at the last day of school i ended up in the Hospital again cause i was suicidal and they took me away for another week and made new friends there again and then as time went by i was back to camp sandy cove and god i hated it even more cause these Christians were so bad that i start to hate them even more. so then i left and went to school for my senior year but it sucked cause the first day i went to class i saw cody and he ignored me for no reason and stopped being my friend so that made my day worst but chenzo was alway making my day good, so then days went by and then i meet john and austen and there friends and became there friend as well and then things got a little better but not all the way but it was something and then all of a sudden cody became my friend for some fucked up reason but i played along and then Danielle wanted to be my friend but i dealt with her but still hated her even from now. and then i went to parties with john and his friends and then he showed me his animation work and thats when i realized what i wanted to do as a career so he inspired me to be an animator but Danielle would always tell me that i shouldn't be one cause i'm not meant for it and she told me to give it up but my sister told her off thank god and then thats when facebook started. i was still into myspace but then john invited me to join facebook and i got to hooked on it that it was my new life. so then on my 17th birthday in 2007 chenzo gave me a gift to see the casualties cause i bought there 2006 album at best buy and i would listen to it a lot. so he got me the tickets and went there at champs and god thats when my life changed again so i loved it and then got into the hardcore scene but then 2008 came and then cody was acting like an asshole to me again and then i was getting in trouble for no reason then all of a sudden a new kid came to my classroom and cody and his friends bullied him and i did the same cause i wanted to impress cody and then one day i beated up the kid to impress cody but that made it worst and i still feel bad for the guy cause i never hated him i only did to get cody to notice me but now i realize that cody is an asshole but i did say i'm sorry to the guy but i still felt bad for him and things were not going to well cause chenzo was dating my sister and then he was treating like shit and not hanging out with me anymore until one day we got into a fight and stopped being friends but continued dating my sister until he dumped her and broke her heart for no reason. so then school end but didn't graduated yet cause my mom signed me up for this program called PST program but god it was awful but i meet nick and became friends until we got into an arguments about cody cause cody was talking shit about me and nick said he doesn't have to like you but i said yeah but he treated me like shit and then he said don't talk to me anymore. so then the day went on and got pissed off and got in troubled again and talked to my counselor and told her everything and she said i'm going to let you go early but can you promise me that you want get in trouble again and i said yes and i meant it. so the next day came and went to school and then i said sorry to nick about the argument that we had and then he said nope not going to listen and i kept saying i'm sorry and still he was being an asshole about it and i couldn't take it anymore so i got pissed off and punched the teacher and the principal and then the cops came and handcuffed me and then almost went to jail for it no thanks to nick that asshole i hope someone kills him so i can piss on his grave. so then my mom got me out of that school and program cause the school and program sucked but i had to retake high school again cause they fuck up my grades. so i thought the worst was over but could i be so wrong about that so i went to mercer high the worst school in the world more worst than yale and there was cops in mercer high and i was bullied a lot by the ghetto people and got sexual assaulted so many times that the school didn't do shit about it but my mom fought for me even when i was in yale. so then i meet some new friends but some of them were good and most of them were assholes and then hannah reca contacts me and i was happy to hear from her and then we would talk a lot. so then i meet a guy name terry clark and then we became friends and he got me into ICP and the juggalo scene and i like it very much but now he's in jail but school got worst and then i went to this vocational school for high schoolers called sypek and god it was bad then i thought it would be cause this kid name billy would bully me and sexual assault me a lot and then i had a girlfriend name Stephanie and we were in love with each other and then we would hang out a lot but then she start to act like as if i did something wrong and then she was ignoring my moms hellos and then we went to the mall and she said that i'm thinking about going back with my ex and i didn't know what to say so one day something happen to us which i don't remember what it was but we broke up and then i meet this guy name kevin from another person that i knew and this is how it started. it all started when i was at a program in princeton i think and this girl name brandy invited me to a party so then i went and my mom dropped me off to the party and as i got in there were people from other high school and then all of a sudden i saw a bible on the couch and then i realized this was a bible study and i was like what the fuck did i got myself into but i stayed and then kept hanging out with them but my mom did not like them cause they were to religious that she told me to be careful with them and the things that kevin would preach was very bad that he was brainwashing everyone that joined his Christian cult and then one day i bought tickets to see the casualties at the warp tour and then i told kevin about it and he told me don't go cause its not part of god for some fucked up reason so he told me to go to his Christian prom at church and he said it would be fun so i went and god damn it, it sucked it was nothing but praise and worship and a service and all that bullshit and then i was so pissed off that i told my mom and she got pissed off as well so that was it but wait it gets better i was on facebook and then i posted something on facebook and i had some curse words on it and when i posted it kevin and his friends told that i should never curse because it was not not a Christian thing to say so john and my friends defended me and god it was a huge argument going on my status page and then i had to ended it. so i did and then the next day they were acting weird with me and then all of a sudden when kevin was preaching the word of god he said if you don't give up your worldly music or your girlfriend or boyfriend you don't love god and so i was like what the fuck and then their pastor comes up to a couple and then said i now consider these two couples boyfriend and girlfriend and everyone in the church were fucking cheering like this was good news and i was like this is a fucking cult and then i left them and when i did they were forcing me to come back and i told them no cause they were teaching lies to everyone and then i forgot the rest but i never talked to them but school was no help as well cause of the bullying and the sexual assaults that i was getting and then when i was still in sypek and then i was talking to a friend name bri witch she was emo and we were friends and then one day we wanted to be roommates so we did our homework on that but in order to get an apartment we needed a job so my mom said we have another apartment that we use sometimes and she was going to give it to us and me and my mom helped her out with some stuff and getting her life back together cause she wanted to stay away from drugs and she wanted to change for the better and then one night i was hanging out with her and then i started to have feelings for her and then all of a sudden we did something which i'm not going to say what we did but it happened and then the next day i went to see flatfoot 56 at champs and it was fucking awesome and then i called bri if she would like to see them but she couldn't and then we had a long talk about what we did that night and she said i like you as a friend and a brother and then she also said that she was not looking to start a relationship anymore cause of her past experiences with other people that she dated so then i understood and kept it like that but then the next day she tells me that she's dating someone and she said that he was 27 and i was like ok first off you said you didn't want to date anymore and two your 18 and he's 27 and then i was like whatever but i dealt with it and her reason for dating this guy cause he read her fucking mind and i was like what the fuck but the i just let it be so then she shows me his facebook account and god he was ugly that he did not even look as if he was 27. he looked like he was in his 40s and he was bald but i just let it go but to make this story short i texted her one night cause she was avoiding me and then she said i don't think that we should be roommates and i ask why and she said that she told her boyfriend about what we did and then he got pissed off about it and then i realized that he was using his emotions to control her so i was telling her that i wasn't doing anything to hurt her and i said that i was a good friend to her and she said no your not you were coming on to me and then when she said that to me thats when i got very pissed off and deleted my facebook account for good and let me tell you something she was a bitch cause all i did was help her out and yeah i we did it but she agreed with it and its not like she was dating him and i made her cheat on him but she wasn't, she was single and we did what we did and her boyfriend shouldn't care what we did before she meet him but she let him control her with his emotion and she would always put me down saying mean things to me and sometimes punches me and one time on facebook she was talking to a friend of hers say i bet if we beated up ramsey he would cry like a bitch but i just let it go and when ever i complimented her on her artwork and how she looks she would always find a way to put herself down but that was the end of our friendship and facebook was nothing but drama and shit so i no longer own one or want one anymore but then one day at sypek billy decided to grab my ass very sexual so i got very pissed off about it and told the teacher and they did nothing about it so i called my mom and then we pressed charges on billy and then i ended up at the Hospital again so i went and then i was not doing so well that i was out of control that i was put into a state Hospital and god it was bad. i got into fights and i was going crazy and then i couldn't even sleep but one night i was going to bed then all of a sudden someone was touching me and i almost got raped in my room so i screamed and ran out of my room and i didn't know what to say but they did nothing about so i was afraid to go back into my room and then days went by and then got out and never told my mom about the rape thing cause i didn't know what to say so i dropped out of sypek but continued in high school and then graduated and i felt so free for the first time of my life but then hannah stops talking to me for no reason so i was sad about i and then i went to college and trade school at the same time and i did well then the second year was good as well and then in 2014 i finally contacted dara and we were happy to hear from each other so we were talking a lot and i finally told her that i had a crush on her and she said i knew that and i was like oh and she said but lets just be friends. so we kept on talking and then all of a sudden we're no longer friends because she hates my artwork and cause of the hail satan work that i did and other stuff that i did so she emails me with a lot of hurtful thing to me saying i have low self esteem and i was creepy and made her feel uncomfortable and that was it and i tried to tell her that i was sorry but then she threatened me and that was it and then i went to the Hospital again because of her and other stuff and then a week has past and then i was so depressed that i didn't know what to do but then matt from mercer high hung out with me a lot and then we were buddies and the all of a sudden this kid name dan comes back from NC and well matt changed for the worst but i did had a new years party and got drunk but then now 2015 is here and i'm not in college at this time but i'm in trade school trying to finish up my welding class and also took a black seal class as well but still matt and dan are changing for the worst and then my grandpa died last year and i was sad about it but i did took an animation internship but they're taking a break so i'm still waiting for them to let me know when to come back and then i had a job from amazon warehouse but they demanded to much speed and they gave me so much pressure that i quit the job and thats about it.
you see i've been through a lot of shit but there are others who have been through worse then i have and i feel very bad for them but as for me right now i'm still fucked up about all of the sexual assaults and almost being raped and after almost getting raped i felt as if i was nothing but garbage and i did some drugs like weed and thats it and now i have so much low self esteem after what dara said to me and i feel like no woman would ever like me for who i am. yeah i know i'm chubby and and not good looking and i dress wired and go to crazy shows and all that and i'm not the prince charming person that you want me to be but theres one thing that most guy don't have these days and that is love and i have a lot of it and i try my best to make everyone happy but i guess you don't want it so whatever. i know i made mistakes and i regret it and i want to fix it and i've been so antisocial cause of the things i've been going through and i didn't want to vent on everyone that i know and now i hate a lot of Christians because of dara and kevin and from way back when i was little cause they never accepted me for who i was and they wanted me to be what they wanted but whatever. but the only one that kept me from dying was my mom. she would protect from those who would hurt me and if anyone messed me or my sis she would go after them and yeah my mom looks like she got off the boat or crossed over the border line but she's a smart woman and she will put you in her place and thats why i love her so much cause she did so much for me more then anyone could although we did had our fights and what not but i still love her and she would never give up on me and thats why i'm still here and not dead. so yeah thats about everything that i have to say so i guess see ya later.